le blog de tranny

When I’m ravenous I don’t think straight. My mind is overtaken by the visceral desires of my malnourished insides, and I find myself thinking about dinner around 4.15pm. I google recipes and scheme about ways in which I can avoid having to make a trip to the store after work. I stuff my face with leftover Halloween candy that my coworker brought in just to tide myself over. I rush home and inevitably end up making a grilled Cowgirl Creamery Pierce Point, extra sharp cheddar and black forest ham sandwich which I top with a fried egg. The sandwich is so rich and I eat it so quickly that I nearly barf. The memory of this incident haunts me for days…

On Saturday, Caroline and I were given the opportunity to put a little forethought into our meal for the evening. Caro wanted something “healthy” — butternut squash polenta perhaps? I thought it might be novel to try and rip off Gather’s charcuterie plate, even though neither of us has been to Gather yet. Still we wanted to pay lip service to all the hype. Of course our charcuterie plate was never going to be vegan, but the idea of creating a bunch of small plates with meat-like treatments of vegetables, and vegetables only, seemed, well, pretty novel to me at least, because I hadn’t had vegetables in ages! Around 4.20 that afternoon I started to think really deeply about the concept I wanted to execute. A vegetable in a vegetable consomme? A vegetable in a vegetable puree? Cauliflower steaks in eggplant puree? Eggplant steaks in cauliflower puree? I finally decided that I really wanted to make eggplant steaks stuffed with a pistachio pesto and served with a tomato-olive ragout, and roasted cauliflower with thyme in its own puree, because that’s so meta. (I think meta is the way to go with shmancier treatments of veg — a wise chef once told me that the purpose of these 1 veg cooked 2 or 3 ways type dishes is mouthfeel, but I like the idea of meta treatments of vegetables for the sake of being meta. In fact, I think we should have a meta-themed dinner party, for which I will plate double rainbows made out of green, purple and yellow cauliflower purees with tiny florets of cauliflower in them. Ehh????)

This post should actually be called, “Lessons I Learned from HN.” He came with us to BB because he’d never been and ended up coming over for dinner afterwards. Andrea, our favorite food pornographer, also joined us. I had already planned out the ingredient and flavor combinations I wanted but HN helped me execute my vision to near perfection (or at least to a caliber that I as yet had never achieved).

I had originally planned to follow this recipe for cauliflower puree and to throw a bit of leek and thyme in there (removing the thyme before pureeing of course). I simmered chopped cauliflower, leek, smashed garlic, a few thyme sprigs and salt in some broth, covered, for about 10 minutes. Once the cauliflower was tender, I went at it with my immersion blender, but right as I was about to add the heavy cream, the Michelin star chef in the room said, “I wouldn’t add cream to that,” causing my cream-wielding hand to halt mid air. Observing as I toiled away with the immersion blender, he tried his hand at it and then asked if I wanted the puree to be like a mash, or to have the creamy consistency of a sauce. Duh, it was as though he read my mind — I had envisioned myself creating the most delicate and creamy of purees, but didn’t know how. He suggested once more that we break out the blender and a quick lesson on emulsions and balancing with acid ensued. Using the blender broke the puree down to the grain I wanted; slowly adding olive oil while it was blending made it nice and creamy; stirring in some rice wine vinegar once it was done blending transformed it to a beautiful pink color and balanced out the flavor. Guess I didn’t need the cream after all!

We had set aside some of the purple cauliflower to roast alongside the white. I tossed the cauliflower in olive oil, crushed red pepper and salt and then roasted it at 350 degrees F for I don’t know, at least half an hour? I just kept forgetting about it and then panicking and checking on it every once in a while. Once I removed it from the oven though, HN deglazed the roasting pan and then used the deglazing liquid to brown the cauliflower with sprigs of thyme, crushed garlic and butter right before serving. Or something to that effect. I don’t know; that was some badass shit though.

For the eggplant I made a pesto of pistachios, olive oil, garlic, salt, equal parts cilantro and flat leaf parsley, and lots of freshly grated parmesan. It ended up being a chunkier pesto, which while not intentional, was welcomed.

I sliced the eggplant into about 1 inch rounds and browned them on both sides in the le creuset before adding some white wine and simmering with the lid on, turning once, until the liquid was all soaked up. Never will I season anything with pepper before browning it again. It does burn, like Chef said.

I’d been planning on topping the eggplant steaks with a roasted tomato and olive ragout, until Chef suggested that I keep the tomatoes fresh, perhaps chopping them up along with some shallots and parsley for a “gribiche” of some sort. Roh, rohkay Chef. So I combined quartered cherry tomatoes, quartered pitted kalamata olives, minced capers, minced shallot and chopped parsley in a bowl, and Chef seasoned it with lemon zest, white wine vinegar and s&p.

With HN’s guidance, Caro similarly turned out some amazing vegetarian dishes. Butternut squash polenta flavored with parsley, shallot, Petit Basque and parmesan, served with a butternut squash sauce made from the butternut squash puree and some vegetable stock, and topped with some roasted hen of the wood, chanterelle, and king oyster mushrooms (the latter sliced sashimi style). The richness, flavor and texture of this combination almost reminded me of hard-boiled eggs. The polenta was bursting with flavor. (I think I saw Chef put some of his fleur de sel in it ROFROFROFROF!!!!!!!)

Caro also made a salad of arugula, ground walnuts and grapes (peeled, the way Chef likes them) with a simple vinaigrette of olive oil, red wine vinegar, salt and sugar.

Guess who plated what? ;P

The rustic presentation of the eggplant and polenta contrasts nicely with the meticulously cleaned herbs on the cauliflower, don’t you think?

For dessert, Caro paired vanilla ice cream with pomegranate seeds, papaya and sage honey. This pleased Chef very much. Andrea and I likewise found this yummykins mcderish.

The craziest part of this cooking endeavor is that the meal, in all its heartiness, was completely vegetarian with the exception of the chicken broth I used in the cauliflower puree (but that’s an easy fix).

Borrowed from Caro: